Is there help?

The rains come and go, cleansing the earth, feeding the plants and maybe cleansing our souls. Does the rain help? It appears to help my weeds grow. If the rain helps my weeds grow I presume it helps my plants grow too. The weeds are getting bigger and stronger and appear to out number the plants and flowers.

Is this a metaphor for life too? To cleanse is to clean out and I thought replace with something "clean" or better or healthier or a change to what was. If the rain provides more support for weeds does a cleans of our soul provide room for more downs, more issues, more problems, more anything but what we are looking for? I wonder at times.

I haven't done a full cleanse of my body but have tried to cleanse my soul and release yet I wonder what is being replaced. There are times I feel very low and wonder where  all of this going to. Then there are moments were I see a glimmer of hope but once I put it down or say it out- loud it doesn't really sound like hope. Is a cleanse something that has to deplete everything before building up or putting things back together?

On Monday I had a complete downer of a day, I think it probably rained a little bit that day. On Tuesday I felt good, I made it through the day without tears, no rain that day. Yesterday it was a sunny day, the rains were to come, my tears started to flow mid-day and later, not sure where I was going then a glimmer of not real hope but sort of hope appeared and carried me through the rest of the day. Today, the rains have come and gone, thunder included. Ups and downs abound and lack of clarity, my mind is spiraling around confused, not knowing. What is going on? Is there help for what is going on? Where will all of this lead to? I don't have any of the answers, living in the world of the unknown.

What I know for sure.... I think Oprah says something like this... What I know for sure, besides I don't have a job right now I don't feel  I know anything but here goes.... I know my health is ok, I know the rains keep coming, I know my dogs love me, I  know I have friends who check up on me, I know the plants are turning green, I know I saw an alligator the other day in the stream, I know the turtles had babies and they are all swimming in the stream regularly, I know a cardinal landed on my fence today, I know it will rain again probably today... Maybe I know a lot but where does all of this lead me? I know how to do what I did. I know I can learn more and do well at it. I know what my passion is but I can't seem to find how I am aligning to do it. I know my Angels and Spirit Guides along with the Universe are looking after me but I wish they would offer a little more insight!

Who do you go for soul help? Where do you go for job help? Who do you go to for support in living your passion? Is there help? I did go to my career counselor, Terry. He is great but  I don't feel where I am going or what I am looking for. I feel I spent today looking. I told myself I was researching, I was but I don't feel I got far. He taught me how to create my resume, write a cover letter, T-letters and direct letters. I have knowledge provided by Terry but where am I being lead to live my destiny, my passion? Who do I go for that assistance? Is there someone?

There are a lot of guru's out there who have their own method and they work for them. I haven't found one that totally works for me yet... yet... I keep hoping the answer will appear now! It is interesting, I have become one of the "younger" population wanting it now. In the past I would write cover letters and fill out applications, put them in an envelope and mail it then the wait would begin. Now I am doing it all online and answers return at times fairly quickly, the no's have come quickly anyway. Everyone says I am very talented anyone would want me, maybe but there has to be a position and money for them to "want" me. Does that console me, not really. Why not? My attitude about myself, not being in a position to see my talents at work right now, the desire to use my talents and getting no's, not sure what the answer is.

One thing I know for sure is I live in a world of the unknown. I thought I tackled that one over the past few years but now I see the world of unknown is more complex than anything I anticipated. It seems to be an unending dark tunnel. Where is the end, the light? No clue, it is unknown. Maybe there isn't one. If there is one is there help finding it? I don't think so, there are guides along the way to make sure we experience it and those who help us know it is something to learn but finding the end is something we have to do on our own.

Life is something we experience on our own. I think before coming here a plan, a curriculum, a list of possible adventures were presented. I decided to click all the buttons because the last round I wasn't here long and I want to make sure this round I get a lot of experiences. Was there help when I signed up? Maybe, but, maybe I didn't listen, coming here was too exciting to pass up. Now, here I am in the middle of another adventure or illusion trying to figure it out and move through the maze. I know when I get through it I will feel grateful and soon all of this will pass. Right now I am hoping that is soon!! I hope I didn't sign up for round two!

The "help" I have come across is valid and some of it makes sense and helps momentarily but in the end I still feel we each have our own journey to figure out. We each have our own needs. There are a lot of people out there promoting something to help us but each one is flawed. Not flawed for them but flawed for each of us. They provide tools for us to try, experiment with and use but we have to find our own tools to figure out where we are and what we are doing. I will keep seeking out help, listening to, reading, trying, meditating with those tools that I feel might help. Maybe one will do the trick but I am thinking a combination of them is probably what I need right now. Why? Because I feel that even though I am connected to everyone, I am made in  God's image I am still an individual who has my own journey that is a little different from everyone else. My curriculum is different, we all have different curriculum's.

The next question is one journey/curriculum/ adventure/illusion better than another. I don't think so, although at times I think so. When I see someone enjoying something they invested in enjoying the fruits of their labor I think, when will I be able to do that again? Why do they get all the breaks? They probably don't, it just seems when I am struggling everyone else looks wonderful! I presume the same is true for them too. Maybe it is a good thing we are all on different cycles, then when we need support our friends are there with us and when our friends need support we are there for them. I also look at those who have the ability to manifest things easily. I should have the ability but something is holding me back, what? I don't know. We all do actually. Why do some of us settle for what is and others of us don't? Why do some of us strive for something and it never seems to happen? Why do some of us work so hard and get lower incomes? Why are some of us given opportunities to create a great life and others of us aren't? Why do some people go to war and never return? Why do some people go to war and returned a wounded soul?

There are so many questions. I don't actually know the solution or the answers but I do know we are each here experiencing this life. I'm not sure how many of us signed up for a lot of experiences or just a few but in the end, we all have our own experiences to undertake. Is there help? Well, it depends on what help means. Friends helping by calling and checking on you is help. References telling future employers of your talents and abilities, that helps. Career counselors guiding you through the maze, that helps. Guru's out there telling us how to manifest, create more, find what we are looking for etc, they are helpful. I guess I was looking for specific help, the magic ball telling me what is coming next so I can be prepared but then the unknown would be known, the experience wouldn't be an experience it would be planned. Maybe not having help is the best way to have a true experience. Then we look within, decide what we need, what we have and where we would like to go. Maybe we learn to help ourselves, to experience ourselves, to enjoy the moment we are here in this body.

Have I truly experienced who I am and am I ready to move on or is it only my ego telling me to get busy?