People tell you once this door closes another one will open, everything will be ok, the next position will be even better, that guy/gal wasn't good enough for you, this too shall pass, etc. There are so many phrases people use to try to cheer you up but in the end there is still a sorry down feeling lingering, a mourning that occurs.
Why? Why does it hurt so? I don't know. Even if you are prepared it still hurts. Even if it is for the best, it still hurts. Is it change happening that hurts or the actual occurrence? Why are some people able to be cheerful and positive about great tragedies and others fall apart over tiny things? So many questions but are there any answers?
I feel each one of us has our own life happening. As we travel down this road of life we each have our own road map, tools to assist us and our own refreshments. Maybe think of it as a group of young children on the playground with their mothers watching. Some mothers come prepared with band-aids, box juice, apple slices, ice, the entire first aid kit and lunch prepared just in case. Others decide the last minute to stop by on their way going to or from somewhere and have nothing.
If a child falls down and skins their knee the mother with everything packed has all the necessities to clean and tend to the wound including the child's feelings, well maybe. The person who stops by on the way doesn't have the supplies. When their child falls it means either time is up at the playground and they go home to clean and care for the wound or the child continues to play. Is one setup better than the other? I don't think so.
The first scenario is a very prepared mother but if a child falls and hurts themselves caring for the external wound doesn't mean the internal would was healed. Maybe they were trying to do one more acrobatic fete and fell down. They feel defeated, they have been trying to do this one fete for several days now and they can't seem to conquer it. The skinned knee isn't the wound, it is their ego, their hope, their soul, their self pride, etc.. How does the mother heal that part of them? She may give them encouraging advice, you almost did it, you will get it soon. She may say, you have tried that stunt several times maybe it is time to give up on it and try something new, she may not say anything or do something totally different. Depending on the child's past the parent's response will create a memory for the next experience.
The same is true with the unprepared parent. The same identical happenings could occur minus the band-aid. But, what difference does it make for the child? In my opinion, it depends.
In life sometimes we are prepared for anything and everything but the one thing we never thought about happens and our wound is deep inside us. Other times we decide to try something out just for fun and when something out of the ordinary happens we may say well we were just stopping by for a second or the wound could go deeper. It depends on the past for each individual.
For me the past haunts me at times. Those little voices I hear of others not necessarily supporting me but putting me down. I would hear the voices and be determined to show they were wrong. I would work hard, be prepared, and thought I made wise decisions but, somewhere deep inside there is another feeling that I never thought about. I call it my passion.
Over the years I have realized that I can do things well but if it isn't part of my passion I am looking for an out or if my passion gets ignited I am looking for more ways to fuel the fire. Either way it may have meant moving on. I thought I reached a pinnacle with my passion. I was in a position I adored, thrived on and felt compelled to grow and learn more. Then one day I fell down, I hit the ground hard, that passionate position was gone. You would think along the way the band-aids were collected, the support would be there, the box juice was ready. But, no, knee hit the pavement and feels like it is bleeding profusely. Yes, I have wonderful supportive friends who are trying to put the band-aids on but the wound isn't external. The wound is deep inside.
Why does it hurt so much more when it is inside? A skinned knee hurts a lot but the internal wound of the ego, self-confidence, self- acceptance, pride, etc. take a harder hit. Yes, there are a box filled with different types of band-aids but finding the one that fits is difficult, if there is one. What is needed is the courage to get up and find that new door, that better place, that new exciting change. But, the next question is how? The band-aids aren't holding in the oozing gunk. The band-aids don't dry the tears. It hurts, it hurts more than what is visible.
Now that you are in that place everyone has advice, what to do, where to go, how to move "forward." They also know when you should start, what is needed and the answers to all of your questions, at least in their minds.
The question that plagues my mind is why do some people smile and move on, are they really? I remember reading there is a mourning process that goes on for everything. Mourning quickly over small things makes sense but we are talking deep internal wounds here. How do they mourn so quickly over major wounds? The counter question is why do some people mourn so long over major or minor wounds? Is there a time limit?
From my observations, we each have our own set of guidelines. We each have our own brand of band-aids, and we each have our own types of wounds to heal. There is no right or correct answer. Unfortunately, the societal needs interfere with the process at times, the need to pay bills, put food on the table, take care of the family become more important than healing the wound. Those who have the luxury of time to heal their deep wounds make profound discoveries, they write books telling the rest of us how to conquer the world. They start living perfect lives, well that is how it appears on the outside.
From my experience, those wounds may get a temporary band-aid or fix but the Universe has a way of saying, the first time your wound didn't heal, it is festering so now you need to take time and heal it. I don't think the Universe states it that way. I truly think the Universe has a sense of humor and thinks something like, last time you started this. You thought you fooled me by acting like it is healed but there is still something there you want to learn so, lets try this again and see where you go or the Universe will say, wow, you did a great job lets try this again to see if you can do as well the second time. I think the Universe sits back and laughs at us at times. We must look quite hilarious going crazy over minute things when viewed in the big picture.
Even if the Universe chuckles at us we still have to go through it and deal with whatever "tragedy" we are facing. I wish I could chuckle now and laugh with the Universe but I also know the Universe gave me a range of feelings. I tended to hide those that I thought were "negative" because I wanted my children to think I was strong. Now I am realizing, through the Universe' humor that those feelings are just as worthwhile as the happy, smiling, upbeat feelings. In other words, I probably got mad at my brother once or twice when he tricked me. It was funny but at the time it wasn't funny to me, I would be mad. I am thinking right now the same thing is happening. I get to feel the range of emotions with hopes of making it to laughing. I would much rather laugh than feel the hurt but I believe it is better to feel the range of emotions than to stick to a couple. Besides, if I don't practice them who will?
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